“I’m a Texas born South Paw with an affinity for words. If my hand isn’t smudging everything I write, then my paper is probably blank.”
I’m Brett! And yep, I’m a girl.
If irreverent, pop-culture laden humor is your jam, then baby, I’d love to be your butter.
But don’t worry, if you’d really just prefer to keep this relationship first date casual, then we can go slow, play a little Anita, some Luther Vandross. Whatever your needs, consider me the Jared Leto of writing, immersing myself into character for months on end and maybe leaving a dead rat or two in your trailer if you’re lucky.
FAQs
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I prefer a nice Chianti over some fava beans.
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I mean does a budding sensation of existential dread during every waking moment of my life count as anxiety? I don’t think it does. Now don’t mind me, I’m just gonna drop some Tums like a Gen-Z’er at an EDM concert after I type in a quick search to the Googs about this weird tingle I’m having in my chest. You don’t think I’m dying, do you?
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Other than wanting to be Dana Scully when I grew up?
I ate the same lunch every day for the first 18 years of my life. Peanut butter and jelly, Baked Lays, Gushers and some string cheese. I’d like to think this contributed to my absolutely stellar gut microbiome.
In the end it all worked out though because the dysbiosis in my gut exacerbated my anxiety and depression which made my writing absolutely flourish.
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I think the phrase, “You can do anything that you set your mind to,” is inherently false and dangerous to teach children.
However, I’m assuming you, as well as the rest of every middle school basketball coach across middle-class America, love that phrase. So wouldn’t it be an awesome counterpoint if you hired me just to prove that I’m the one who’s wrong?